The following humorous essay, “Peculiarities of Some Traveling Teachers of Penmanship,” by Prof. H. Russell, was first published in a journal called Penman’s Help (Sept. 10, 1878).
It is somewhat remarkable how eccentric and green are the manners of some of the traveling fraternity; in fact, eccentricity seems to be a good share of their stock in trade, and it is doubtful whether a good-sized volume would hold one-half of the anecdotes that I could relate from my own personal experience as regards them. Long hair and beard, giving to an individual a certain patriarchal appearance, is one of the peculiarities of these gentry. When such a person enters a village his odd appearance is sure to create some excitement and comment. I have known droves of boys to follow him as they would a band, and in many a quiet hamlet I have often seen the people gaze with open-mouthed wonder at him, and seem perfectly amazed at this supposed miraculous power, when, if his hair and beard were cut off, it is doubtful if there would be a more inferior looking individual anywhere.
But there is no denying the truth that these eccentricities, however foolish they may appear to sensible people, have contributed largely to their success in securing good, paying classes, whatever may be their ability to teach them.
Occasionally, however, the eccentricities of the fraternity will crop out into downright folly. An instance of this kind which I distinctly recollect, took place in the town of N., Canada West, in the summer of 1864. While there visiting an aunt, a long-haired, dark-eyed professor of penmanship put in an appearance, and with a most extraordinary flourish of trumpets, announced to the wondering public what tremendous things he could perform for all who placed themselves under his instruction for twelve short lessons. This announcement and the fact that he offered to place the tuition of his lady pupils at one-half the usual fee, had the effect of securing him a very large class, principally of young ladies. The course of lessons opened up very finely and “all went merry as a marriage bell,” and in all probability would have ended serenely had not the hero of the occasion been altogether too susceptible to the charms of so much loveliness. The members of his class were always promptly on hand, dressed up in their most bewitching manner, and it was not long before Mr. B. was dead in love with several of his pupils, greatly to the chagrin and disgust of many others.
The copies that he wrote for his favorites were certainly not models of either logic, reason, or common sense, understood by ordinary mortals, and whatever their excellence as regards penmanship, were decidedly sickening and ridiculous. I will give specimens of a few:
“My dear Jane, how lovely you look tonight!”
“You are sweet enough to kiss, my darling Mattie!”
“Can I see you home, my dearest Mary?”
The result of a dozen or two of such copies on such an occasion, to such a class, can be better imagined that described. The green-eyed monster, jealousy, took possession of the class and they set a storm to brewing, that made things exceedingly hot for Mr. B. Some of them took their copies home and showed them to their big brothers or lovers, and the result was that on the fifth night of the school they come together at the schoolroom, which was in the third story of the schoolhouse, put Mr. B. into a barrel and rolled him down the stairs heels over head. This of course ended his career in that town.
In giving this incident which is strictly true, it will be unnecessary to moralize on the lesson it will afford to many young penmen who are readers of your valuable paper, and who may teach such classes in the near future. Suffice it to say, that only the most sterling good sense should characterize all your actions on all occasions, if you would avoid the wretched vexation and humiliation of Mr. B. Let all your conduct with your lady pupils be like that of a brother toward a sister, coupled with good, sound common sense, and you will be always honored and respected by all.
